So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
