forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
