it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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