Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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