good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
