I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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