Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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