I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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