Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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