yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
