Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
