a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
