Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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