Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
