Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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