you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize