Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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