You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
