why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
