You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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