it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize