She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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