Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
