DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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