Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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