you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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