I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
