Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
