my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
