For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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