I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
