She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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