Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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