I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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