I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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