i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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