i was born a porn star she said
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
