he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
