I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
