last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
