just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
