i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize