He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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