we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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