this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
