It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
