just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
