so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
