Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize