jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
