the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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