if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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