We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
