you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
