There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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