I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
