I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
