He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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