She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
