You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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