First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
