Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
