the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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