i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
