And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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