i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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