The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
