So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
