Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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