I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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