He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the condom got lost in my hair
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
