Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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