Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
